Fear – Blogust Day 2

Blogust 2

Welcome to day 2 of Blogust 2017!

If you haven't yet, check out yesterday's post —-> CLICK HERE!

To catch up on all my past Blogust posts —-> CLICK HERE!

BLOGUST DAY 2 – 2015
BLOGUST DAY 2 – 2016

Today's question of the day is:

Describe three legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

Over the last few years, my idea of fear has evolved completely. I once thought that fears were only something physical that had potential to bring you harm – death, murderers, monsters under the bed, etc. But over time, I've found that some of my biggest fears have become things that can not be seen or touched, rather they are products of my own mind and insecurities. They are still fears nonetheless and deserve to be recognized and worked through. First, let's jump back a little bit to see how my fears have evolved over the years and why they changed.

Up until a few years ago, my biggest fear was death; more specifically, losing a loved one. I've always had a weird fascination with death – I think I've talked about this before, but that is a topic for a different day. Anyway, it got to the point where I would have nightmares about my family members dying. I feared it so much that it became almost an obsession. When I was 22, my grandfather died. It was the first time someone so close to me had died and the first funeral I had ever gone to. It definitely changed the way I thought about death and loss. But I think the biggest catalyst for my evolution of fear came when my aunt died two years ago. Besides my mother, my aunt was the person I was closest to in my life.

My second biggest fear was of getting in a car accident. This was something that I thought about every day, every time I got in the car. I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that if I ever got into an accident I wasn't going to survive it. As crazy as it may sound, given the fact that I have brittle bones, I just never really saw how I would make it through an accident. I had my mind set on the fact that the seat belt would crush my chest or the impact would break my neck or something. Morbid I know, but it gives you a glimpse into how my mind works. Well, I did get into an accident, the same year my aunt died as fate would have it, and guess what? I'm still here… all the worse for wear too. I never anticipated having long-ranging side effects as a result of an accident as an option in the multiple scenarios that always went through my head.

So you see, there's this strange shift that happens when your biggest fears are realized. It's almost like a weight lifts and you're free. All that time spent worrying and it happened anyway. I obviously still have a fear of those two things happening, but it's a different way of dealing with it. It's important for me to remind myself that we only have right now, no matter what our fears are. We can only be grateful in this moment and deal with whatever, when it comes.

Now moving forward to some of the things I fear now. Like I said they aren't so much physical things anymore, so much as they are ideas of possible future outcomes. So to answer today's question of what fears I have, let's dive in:

1. Fear of Failure – Success and failure are relative and you decide what they mean to you. For me, I fear not completing my goals. There are things I want for my life and my career and I worry that I'll never attain them. Sometimes the fear can be paralyzing though and I end up not making any moves toward them, because what happens if I do reach my goals? What happens if I actually become successful? It almost becomes self-sabotage, which I guess could make it a failure by default.

2. Fear of Regret – I don't want to ever regret not taking chances or opportunities when they arise. With every decision that I make, I am very aware of this. It's a balance because I don't just want to just say "yes" to everything because I don't want to regret it, but I also don't want to actually do something that I'd regret either.

3. Fear of Abandonment – As someone who likes to be alone so much, you would think this wouldn't be an issue. But being left alone is different than being left, period. Sometimes I find it easy to cut people out of my life because I'd rather be the one to leave than be left behind. Experiences in my life have kind of molded me into this, and it can be difficult not to let that part of my nature win. But I feel like because I am aware of it, that it's something I can actively work on.

Well that's all for this one – I didn't realize it was going to become a therapy session on here.

Thank you so much for reading!

Until next time,

Kirsten 🙂

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